Don't be an Ostrich

Well, well well,

The Schtudio* is almost done! (do I say that every couple of weeks?)

*shed + studio = schtudio 

This week the concrete surround is being poured and I am painting the interior walls and trim (still). These finishing bits are taking way longer than anticipated (kind of par for the course at this point almost one and a half years into the project but annoying none the less).

The concrete was supposed to be poured last week, over the weekend, yesterday and hmm, again today - fingers extra, super duper, double crossed it's happening tomorrow. Since the delays have been out of my control I've very easily let go of them (rain, drivers out with Covid, trucks being diverted elsewhere, etc. etc.). 

The painting however is all up to me and I tell myself I’m doing it really fastidiously so the finished project will look amazing, which is true but…

If I’m really honest with myself what’s also very much true is that I’m dragging out the painting so that I don’t have to face what I’m not good at and that is…

Re-building my in person, in real life, bodies in front of me in real time, Pilates business.

Once the painting is finished I’ll have no more excuses - ahem, I gotta get me some new clients! 

When I put content out online via this blog, it’s somewhat anonymous, I’ve gotten over the Fear of hitting send and being myself online. But weirdly, now that I’m getting closer to teaching people in the flesh after being exclusively online for almost two years, it’s almost as if I’ve forgotten how to actually interact as a teacher with people in real life.

So that's going on in my brain but the main Fear inducing problem?

I’ve never felt really good at the ‘marketing’ side of my business. 

Having to ‘sell’ my business brings up all sorts of things I don’t feel like I’m very good at - even writing that feels icky (cue shortened breath).

Generally I can teach Pilates and feel confident that I’ve done a pretty good job and my clients are happy but ask me to convince people why they should want to work with me in the first place and I freeze up and stumble over my words.

I get scared and I get anxious.

My Biggest Fear is having to put myself out there, outside of my comfort zone.

So what’s my default? As my hubby says, I do The Ostrich! 

photo by Wolfgang Hasselmann

What I’m hoping is that my new clients will somehow just appear and I won’t have to do anything that makes me uncomfortable. That’s right, I figuratively stick my head in the ground in the hope that things will just somehow magically work themselves out. 

And how’s that working for me?

Last night I had the weirdest dream which was a combo of two anxiety dream themes that have been constant in my life for years.

The first theme is a waitressing nightmare (I spent many years in food service to support my dancing habit). In this dream I’m always overwhelmed with too many customers wanting too many things. As they become increasingly demanding I get more and more stressed out before feeling physically ill.

The other theme is an audition nightmare (see dance habit above). Think, the wrong outfit, a ruined outfit, or maybe even no outfit at all. There’s also running late, showing up at the wrong place, not being allowed into the audition, not warming up enough, being cut before being able to show anything, completely screwing up a combination - just dream up the worst most embarrassing experience cause that’s what I do.

Anyhoo, last night the two worlds smashed together in some crazy, swirly way and when I woke up I was like, right - since now I’m dreaming of worst case scenario situations where I feel utterly helpless, perhaps it’s time to face up to my Fears with my head above ground and eyes wide open - no more ostrich!

photo by Bernd Dittrich

Everybody feels Fear, it’s a fact of life, it’s part of the human condition and is there for a very good reason - survival!

Fear is the body’s response the the threat of harm - real or imagined.

It’s our brain going danger, danger, danger, and whether or not the perceived danger is big or small, real of imagined, our bodies respond the same way.

I know you know what Fear feels like: racing heart, shortness of breath, tight chest, goose bumps. If you want the nitty gritty details HERE’S an article from Medical News Today that breaks down the body’s Fear response.

In my scary re-building a business scenario what exact threats is my brain trying to protect me from?

What am I afraid of?

My recent navel gazing has come up with:

• Making a fool out of myself
• People not liking me and thinking I’m weird
• Being judged as not a good teacher

Obviously when these things happen then I won’t have any clients and I’ll be a failure. Does this spiral of self doubt sound familiar to you in any way?

(I already know that the “I’ll be a failure” point needs to be re-framed. I know that I won’t be a failure but building an in person business will be a failure)

So what’s the plan now that I’ve had a firm wake up call via my nightmare?

First, I remember that I’ve done hard, challenging things before and came through okay.

I think of:

• Baby Steps
• Forgiveness

and most importantly,

• Doing The Thing, you know - Taking Action!

(hey, guess all that investment in personal development courses wasn’t a complete waste - yippee)

What I actually do is:

• Write down the big plan and break it down into smaller concrete steps.
• Give myself a deadline for the concrete steps and check them off my list (I love a good list)
• Talk about it and find a way to be accountable - call a friend or hey, be like me & write a blog post!
• Breathing techniques.
• Tapping - don’t know what that is? Check it out HERE
• Maintain my healthy eating, sleeping, moving activities to keep down my anxiety

I always try to offer myself the kindness I'd give to others without a second thought!

Does this relate to Pilates at all? Well I think it does.

The last time I was back in the USA I had a Pilates lesson at the studio I used to teach at from one of my best friends. She couldn’t be a lovelier or more supportive person. 

I was so nervous!!

What were the perceived threats?

This is what was worrying me:

• The studio had expanded and I was going someplace new
• It was a trio and I didn’t know one of the participants
• What if I wasn’t good enough?
• What if I wasn’t strong enough?
• What if I couldn’t do what my friend asked?
• OMG!

Yes, I know these things are somewhat ridiculous, especially after practicing Pilates for over 20 years, but the feelings were real to me. 

Were the threats real or imagined? It didn’t matter.

How might this show up in our Pilates practice?

• We might feel some trepidation if we go to a new studio or start with a new teacher
• We might be Fearful or nervous about learning a new exercise
• We might worry about not being as good as others in our class
• We might not want to look foolish as we move
• We might, fill in the blank _______

All these are real anxieties but at some point we just have to ask…

So What?

and,

How can we change our imagined Fears?

so that, 

We don’t let Fear (usually of Failure) hold us back!

We begin by trusting ourselves and taking that first baby step...

photo by Jordan Christian

Thanks for reading,

xBec

Want me to walk you through your Pilates fears? Ways to work with me are HERE towards the bottom of the page.

 The information contained above is provided for informational purposes only. The contents of this blog are not intended to amount to advice and Rebecca Forde disclaims all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this post

^{cover and social photo by Paolo Bendandi}