Listening: Are you good at it?

How well do you LISTEN?

Usually when I create a video it’s me alone in my studio talking directly to the camera. Mostly what I tell myself is to slow down and enunciate (which happens to be exactly what my father told me to do when I was a youngster - hmmm).

My usual videos are 99.99999 per cent non interactive.

However…

This week I needed to review the video of a supposedly interactive Zoom call I’d recorded and holy moly, once I saw and heard myself in action?  This woman loves to talk!!

So when I ask myself how well do I LISTEN?

Survey says… not so well!

(yes, I watched too much Family Feud when I was a teen)

photo by Vitolda Klein 

Why I don’t listen

As a lifelong introvert this non-listening surprises me because I feel like I spent a good portion of my formative years watching, listening, and not saying a heck of a lot - what’s going on then?

I think the reason that I don’t listen so well is because I get soooo excited.

Not only am I a Gesticulating Queen but,

I talk over people

I interrupt them and

I def don’t let them finish their thoughts before I’m rolling along and sharing what I want to say.

It’s not that I don’t want to hear what other people have to say,

I love what they say

I get so enthusiastic about what they say that

I want to share what I think about what they’re saying before they’re done saying it!

You follow?

When I watched that video all that came across was me being a hand waving, interrupting, motormouth - Yikes!

For a long time I had little awareness that I did this (well, maybe deep down I did) but after seeing the evidence on that video? Now I want to do something about it…

These are some points I’ve been pondering:

• How much am I shoving my point of view into conversations? 
• How much am I disempowering those that I’m talking to? 
• How much am I missing by not really listening?
• How much do my conversation partners just give up because they can’t get a word in edgewise?
• And, How can I change the way I interact in a conversation?

It seems to me that the number one change I need to enact is to slow down (yes, it’s a bit of a theme) not only to make the space to listen but also to give my brain the chance to process what I hear and then what I really want to say in response. 

And you’d be right if you called that mindfulness.

photo by Brett Jordan

How does Listening apply to Pilates?

Well, I’m glad you asked!!!!

There are a few ways that we listen while we’re practicing:

1. The obvious one is that we listen to our instructor! Not only for what we’re supposed to be doing, but also for the how and why of what we’re doing (& don’t forget that if we’re practicing on our own our ‘instructor’ might be ourselves). 
2. We also might listen to our internal critic which unfortunately happens a lot. (sometimes they’re very hard to silence and it’d be best if we can’t completely shut them up, to at least turn their volume down)
3. Finally, and probably most importantly, we listen to our bodies while we’re performing the exercises. 

When we practice and perform the exercises what we’re listening to are the internal physical sensations our body is experiencing. 

When we listen to our bodies and stay present in the moment we’re able to fine tune how we are performing our Pilates and optimise our practice. Otherwise we’re just going through the motions.

Pilates should be a practice where we gain self-empowerment and take ownership of our bodies.

If we can listen, aiming to be 100% present in the moment?

We’d be right to call that mindfulness!

That’s when it’s what Joseph Pilates termed Contrology,

It is only through Contrology that this unique trinity of a balanced body, mind, and spirit can ever be attained. Self-confidence follows.

 

Eventually we want to have listened enough while we’re lying on the mat that when we’re off our mats, up and out in the world, our bodies have the strength and suppleness to as Joseph Pilates said,  perform our many and varied daily tasks with spontaneous zest and pleasure.

Sounds like a plan!

And when we’re not actually on our mat, practicing Pilates, how do we feel about it?

Do we listen to our bodies and ask if the physical practice we’re offering it still resonates?

Do we ask why we practice Pilates and if we enjoy our practice?

If the answer is, no then I think we owe it to ourselves to be honest reasses, and if necessary give ourselves permission to move our body in some other way - as long as we’re moving.

Remember, Pilates is for Every Body but not for everybody so find the movement that lights you up!

Which takes me to…

In what other aspects of my life am I a poor LISTENER? 

In what ways do I not Listen to MYSELF?

Am I Listening to the REAL ME?

It’s so easy to ignore or not listen to our intuition, our gut, our consciousness - whatever we want to call it - and barrel down a pathway because we think we should, or we were told we had to, or because it was expected of us.

I’m trying to listen to the REAL ME, are you really listening to the REAL YOU?

 photo by Joanna Kosinska

I’ll let you know how I go with slowing down and listening, not only inside my conversations but also inside my heart.

I truly hope you take the time to really listen to others and, really listen to yourself. Be Well,

xBec

The information contained above is provided for information purposes only. The contents of this blog are not intended to amount to advice and Rebecca Forde disclaims all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this post

cover & social photo by Mitchell Orr