Relationships over time

How long have you been working with your current teacher? (or if you're a Pilates instructor, your current clients?)

Is it a long term relationship?

Over time has it evolved?

One of my clients, who's in his 80’s, recently thanked me for honouring his idiosyncrasies (was he talking about his personality, his movement style, or both? I didn’t ask🤣 ). 

We’ve worked together for geez, over ten years and prior to that he'd already been doing Pilates for about seven. Obviously as he's aged his long time, long term relationship to Pilates has changed.

Over the past decade the dynamic between us as student and teacher has changed. To support his specific needs on his Pilates journey, his sessions and our interactions have had to morph. 

We meet once a week and right now he’s finding that he feels better on the other six days if we do less in our sessions. (doing less, hmmm - that sounds like a good blog topic for the future). 

This week the hubby and I celebrated the 40th anniversary of our first date (if you're curious, we went to the cinema and saw The World According to Garp - great movie btw).

Hubby is quite a few years older than me so in the early years of our relationship, because our lived experiences were, ahem, a ways apart (I was 19) he would have been an authority figure to me.

I used to joke that our ages balanced out since I was so much more mature than he was (which I can assure you was sooo far from the truth - see photo below, lol). Necessarily, luckily, and thankfully, as our relationship progressed the power dynamic equalised.

Here we are in the early days 🤣 : 

I just remembered that I 'gave' myself those bangs (or a fringe for the Aussies) by pulling my wet hair straight down and using a blunt disposable razor to shave it off at eyebrow level. Anyone with curly hair will realise the dried result was a super close to my hairline sproing!

These two occurrences have made me reflect on the nature of long term relationships

How do they change?

Is it easy to accept those changes?

• My relationship with my hubby has changed.
• My relationship with my long term client has changed.
• My client's long term relationship to Pilates has changed.
• Over the years my relationship to Pilates has changed. 

Pilates + Life + Me 

When I first discovered Pilates I was relatively young and in pretty amazing shape since my day job was ‘professional dancer’. My literal job description was to spend my work day moving my body and being physical.  

My original Pilates practice reflected this; once I'd studied and received my training I was able to perform all of the advanced work (I will not say with ease, it was still incredibly freaking challenging to do).

Additionally, the studio where I originally taught allowed instructors to jump into classes if there was space. If one was inclined there was always the chance to work out, and I was inclined.

Then… things changed, my priorities shifted, you know, that thing called 'life' got in the way.

Pilates was still central to my life but I was practicing less Pilates than I would’ve liked and teaching more. I had a young child and was also working another job so truthfully both the doing and the teaching of Pilates weren't quite the burning desires they'd previously been. 

Once I moved to AU and was working in my home-based studio all by my lonesome, my relationship with Pilates changed again.

It was now my responsibility to build a business, I had to put energy and time into getting and retaining clients on top of my teaching hours. At the previous studio, where I was a freelance employee, my schedule was mostly filled for me - less admin = more time.

I ended up creating some opportunities to stay accountable to the Pilates I knew I could perform by trading lessons with friends who were teachers and signed up for online on-demand classes which (is painful to admit) I rarely did. This time was marked by a lack of consistency. 

These days my relationship with Pilates (both as a practitioner and as an instructor) has morphed again - it seems revitalised and re-energised. 

Why?

We moved to a new town in 2020 so maybe

• The literal change of scenery?
• Because life is simpler?
• I’m not teaching so much?
• My business goals have changed focus?
• My lack of a current physical studio's forced me into being a bit more creative?  

 Who knows but weirdly whatever it is, it’s actually made me fall in love with teaching again (and I have a stronger movement practice than I've had in yonks). 

I feel like after all this time (20+ years) I’m finally figuring out how to actually teach Pilates!!

I keep having light bulb moments about how to make the concepts make sense in the easiest way possible which then sends me off on a tangent or two (or ten), which then leads me to wax philosophical about the wonders of Pilates. My poor clients! (sorry not sorry 😉 )  

I’m a bit surprised that I am enjoying my teaching so much these days, but hey, I'm going to ride the joyful wave for as long as possible, especially as the time to re-open a brick and mortar studio draws closer and closer.

photo by Polina Kuzovkova

We know our relationships to things, situations, and people will change

Let's accept that when things change it might not be a bad thing. Even if we lament for the way things were, they evolve for a reason.   

Let's hear it for long term relationships, whether it's with people, with work, or with a practice you've held for a long, long, time.

• My relationship with Pilates has changed. 
• My relationship with my clients has changed.

And the 40 year relationship with the hubby?

Yes, it's changed, I’d say it’s now easier to navigate disagreements than in the past (Lord knows we've had a lot of practice!) I'd also say there’s a bit more softness and tolerance towards each other?

This is what he said when I asked him what he thought: “it’s sturdy in the middle and a bit rough around the edges”

I think we're kindov' saying the same thing?   

For a long time I compared where I was currently on my Pilates journey to what it was like when I first began

I held onto trying to get back to what I felt like and how my body was when I first started. (I also chastised myself for my ‘lack of discipline’ at not making it so)

Now, I accept that

• the evolution and ebb and flow in my practicing and teaching of Pilates,
• my response to my clients' changing needs,
• and the morphing of my marriage,
• have all been valid parts and necessary changes to my whole journey, aka,
• Pilates + Life!  

xBec

If you're interested to either start, strengthen, or change your relationship to Pilates here's how I can help:

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The information contained above is provided for informational purposes only. The contents of this blog are not intended to amount to advice and Rebecca Forde disclaims all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this post

cover and social photo by JOSHUA COLEMAN